Category Archives: self esteem

Years ago I sold for Xerox.  When I started we had few competitors, people did not yet see the need for a copier.  Like all relatively new technology copiers were expensive.  I did not see myself as a natural sales person.  Yet somehow I got the job.  One hundred people interviewed for two spots so I figured my new employer knew something I did not.      

I didn’t thrive because of my fear.  Most prospective buyers said, “No.”   I did not like to be told No.  First even though in our sales training we were told most people would say no, the rest of me did not get it.  My fledgling self esteem was daily beaten down by the No’s.  Often I would sit in my car a block or two from the prospect’s office just trying to gather enough nerve to go in.  Despite my fear and lack of knowledge, most months I managed to hit or exceed my quota.  Now I know I would have benefitted greatly from a Life Coach. 

I was too afraid to ask for help.  I allowed myself to be over run and limited by my fear.  I was embarrassed by my fear, afraid to admit how I felt.  I was certain that no one else ever felt that way.  After all nobody ever talked about it.  Sales meeting were always about how wonderful we were.  I found them to be of absolutely no help because they did not deal with the problems and issues that I had. I found this to be further evidence that I did not fit in.   I saw myself as having no options.  Today looking back I can see tons of options – Maybe that it why I named my coaching business Life Options.

 First I did not understand the sales process.  I was going to get lots of No’s.  Today we call that filling the pipeline.  Lots of prospects convert to lots of potential sales and Yes’s also, lots of potential No’s.    I know now that I could have welcomed the No’s as a realization that I was getting much closer to more and more Yes’s. 

 Second, I could have asked for help.  I was too embarrassed.  Was I going to get fired on the spot for something I did not even know I was supposed to know? Here I was a young 20 something, thinking I was supposed to know it all.  How great to be old and wise and know how much I don’t know.  Now I love to ask questions. 

 Third, I didn’t understand my fear.  Maybe that’s one of the things that eventually got me into the therapy and coaching profession.  Feeling the fear let’s me know I’m alive.  Fear does not have to keep me from doing anything I want.  Being able to feel strong emotions (also anger and sadness and the other two basic feelings, joy and sexual feelings) are normal and healthy.  Its not feeling the feelings that causes the problems it is what we choose to do with our feelings that does. 

 I choose to let my fear dictate what I did.  I left Xerox and took a really big hit on my self esteem and self confidence.  I realize that in my life fear has kept me from doing a number of things.  No more!

 Yesterday, I visited a Toastmaster’s meeting.  Years ago I attended Toastmasters regularly and highly recommend it.  I was surprised as my stomach clenched as I got up to respond to a Table Topics question on taxes. As I often get up and talk in front of groups, I was surprised by my response:  fear.  Yes, I am alive.  I’m glad to be here.  Thanks for the reminder!  Thanks for the opportunity!  And twenty seconds later the fear was gone.

 Let me see, what can I do today to stretch my fear muscle?  What has your fear been keeping you from doing?  It’s ok, feel the fear and do it anyway!

 Until next time,

 Amy Barnes MBA MA LHMC and Life Coach