Category Archives: Relationship

All You Need Is Love (Time Sensitive)

Posted on October 17, 2011 | Leave a comment

As you may, or should, know, tomorrow is the kick
off to Katie and Gay’s Lasting Love you’ve always
desired and deserved!

So this is a quick reminder that TONIGHT, Monday,
at MIDNIGHT is your LAST CHANCE to join their
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With Love,

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P.S. Gay and Katie can help you find, attract, and create
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You deserve happiness!

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Posted in Healthy Relationship, Hendricks, Lasting Love Made Easy, Relationship, Relationships, Uncategorized

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Happiness, Sex and Obesity

Posted on May 4, 2011 | Leave a comment

Now yet another study has come out confirming the connection between our physical bodies and how we feel about ourselves. As a relationship counselor and coach I feel quite vested in improving the quality of life of my clients. I see the mind, body and spirit all as quite interconnected. If we don’t take care of our bodies it affects not only the quality of our lives physically but also how we feel about ourselves, emotionally.

The lack of desire for sex by one partner is often seen as a problem in a relationship. Although the causes for the lack of sex can be many, obesity is certainly one of the problems.

Indiana ranks 17th as one of the most obese states in the US. Obesity is described as having a BMI (Body Mass Index) of 30 or greater. Morbidly obese is described as being 100 or more pounds overweight. The National Institute of health estimates that more than 300,000 lives could be saved in the United States each year if everyone stayed at a healthy weight!

When working with clients as a therapist and coach I am most concerned with having my clients be healthy and feel good. I want to support my clients in feeling good in all areas of their lives.

According to the May/June 2011 issues of the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, there is now one more reason for people to take care of themselves. Obese people have a less satisfying sex life and a lower quality of life. Ostbye, director of the research study at Duke stated, “Our findings contribute to a growing body of research that indicates obesity is associated with reduced sexual functioning and sexual quality of life among both men and women.” The study added that both the decreased quality of life and decreased quality of sexual function are even greater for women than for men.
Dealing with obesity is not just about the weight but is layered with a lifetime of emotional issues that are difficult to deal with. Eating and body image are emotional issues.

I want to support you in loving yourself and loving your life. I want to empower you to transform your pain into joy so you can step into your full power and creativity.

Call me. I will listen.

Until next time,
Amy Barnes MBA MA LMHC

Amy is a relationship counselor and coach with over 15 years experience, specializing in empowering individuals in transforming their pain into joy so they may step into their full power and creativity.

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Posted in Coach, Happiness, Relationship, Relationships, Uncategorized

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Is Your Relationship a Partnership?

Posted on March 7, 2011 | Leave a comment

By Amy Barnes MBA MA LMHC

Amy is a relationship counselor and coach with over 15 years experience, specializing in supporting individuals and couples in transforming pain into joy.

Recently I had the pleasure of relationship counseling with two strong professionals, both competent in their fields and married to each other. A relationship between two strong and some may say headstrong individuals has a unique set of challenges but one that I love to see and love working with.

At its worst a relationship like this could be like two alpha dogs both fighting for control. At its best the relationship is a true collaborative effort that has the power to move mountains. This is where synergy takes effect and the sum of the whole becomes much greater than its parts.

What a gift to be in a relationship where you are able to see your partner truly as an equal, to value his or her opinions as much as you do your own. Each partner is willing to take 100% responsibility for making the relationship work. We dealt with the hard work of sadness, anger and disappointments. In our time together the room was also often filled with laughter and appreciations.

We worked on some fine tuning: strengthening the partnership, allowing space for each individual to truly express his or her feelings and ask for what each most wants. We worked on listening to their bodies and to state what they were feeling instead of taking their feelings out on each other.

I appreciate their openness their willingness to play and their desire to create and even stronger bond. They felt good as they know each know that their marriage can continue to grow stronger and even more fulfilling over time.

As a relationship counselor and coach I love making marriages better. Call me if you feel your relationship could benefit from counseling.

Until Next Time,

Amy Barnes MBA MA LMHC

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Posted in Counseling, Healthy Relationship, Relationship, Relationships, Responsibility, Uncategorized

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Is Being Connected Ruining Your Relationships?

Posted on February 22, 2011 | Leave a comment

by Amy Barnes MBA MA LMHC

Would your relationships benefit from a tech diet? How can you be fully present when your attention is really on the screen and not the person in front of you? What’s worse is as a whole, is our society spending significantly more time in front of some sort of an electronic screen than we are in real live face to face contact?

I love my technology. I love Skype for talking to my daughters now in Japan and Morocco and Face Time for talking with my son. I use my laptop for learning French and of course there’s email and Facebook. I’m writing this on my office computer. I also love Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Chocolate Garcia ice cream. Yet just as I could not live on a diet of only ice cream I cannot live in a world where my only social interaction is over the internet. I also love long dinners with friends and face to face conversation and laughter with no screens present.

As a marriage and family therapist and coach, I now hear terms I never heard of five or ten years ago in counseling sessions. Clients read me text messages from their significant or ex-significant other during sessions. Clients complain that they cannot ever turn off their Blackberry’s as they must be available 24/7. Who even used the term 24/7 ten years ago? Spouses learn about affairs and other issues of contempt from cell phone call records and texts. Being unfriended on Facebook is often the final straw in the dissolution of a friendship or relationship.

Elizabeth Bernstein recently wrote and an article in the Wall Street Journal entitled, “Your BlackBerry or Your Wife.” She shares stories of families who sit at the dinner table all looking at their own screen on their iPhones, iPads, laptops, DVD’s and Blackberries. Family members give lots of connection and attention to the device but a serious lack of connection to other family members. She advocates going on a “tech cleanse” Turning off everything with screens for a week. She even notes that in an Italian study couples who have a TV in the bedroom have sex half as often as those who do not. Susan Gilchrest O’Neil, a family therapist in New York states, “Technology should be on the list of the top reasons why people divorce, along with money sex, and parenting.

Yes technology is amazing and I love it. Yet let’s not technology replace real face time? Can your Blackberry give you a hug or cuddle with you on a cold night? When is the last time you spent an hour with a friend or family member without a screen. Try your own tech cleanse. I advocate at least a screen free hour or two a night. Try unplugging for a whole day every weekend. What if you controlled all those electronic devices instead of letting them control your life?

Until next time,

Amy Barnes MMA MA LMHC
Amy is a relationship counselor and coach with over 15 years experience, specializing in supporting individuals and couples in transforming pain into joy.

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Posted in Amy Barnes, Coach, Coaching, connection, Relationship, Relationships, Technology, Uncategorized

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The Hope of Spring

Posted on February 17, 2011 | Leave a comment

By Amy Barnes MBA MA LMHC

This morning I tossed a red Frisbee to my grateful black lab and pointer mix, Char whose favorite sport is jumping up in the air and catching it again and again and again. I was quite comfortable with only a light sweater despite the ice still on the deck and the several inches of a crunchy icy snow mix still covering my backyard from Indy’s massive ice storm and subsequent snow several weeks ago. No buds on the trees, no visible sign of spring, only one day of sun and a weather forecast of snow next week. Because we have had years of experience of snow melting and spring coming we not only have faith that spring will come, we know without any doubt that spring will come.

However we often do not have that same faith in ourselves and our relationships. In relationship counseling, I meet with couples and their relationships start to improve, for most ever so slowly. The couple becomes confident that everything will be perfect and all will go smoothly. Yet at this point the relationship is often still quite fragile. Often after a minor disagree they become extremely discouraged. They had a taste of spring, a taste of what they want in their relationship yet they cannot sustain it. They are not yet ready to weather the ups and downs of even a healthy relationship.

We are not meant to be perfect. It’s not that we or our relationships will ever be perfect; the question is how do we learn to negotiate the bumps in the road? How will you handle your next disagreement, your next disappointment, and what will do when you or your partner reverts back to that old annoying behavior. Like the weather our lives ebb and flow we have good days and bad days. Learning to sail only on the goods days would leave you unprepared to navigate the storms.

As I counsel couples I hope to leave them prepared to handle together as a team whatever happens. So that just as we believe in the promise of spring after the winter, my hope is to strengthen relationships so couples can realize that whatever happens they know and believe in the hearts that together that can weather any storm.

Until next time,

Amy Barnes MBA MA LMHC

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Posted in Amy Barnes, Counseling, Healthy Relationship, Relationship, Relationships, Uncategorized

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Thanksgiving Tips for Enjoying Family Togetherness

Posted on November 23, 2010 | Leave a comment

by Amy Barnes MBA MA LMHC

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. It’s a day for focusing on relationships. I love to cook and I enjoy the wonderful conversations and time together, the wonderful relationships with family and friends. I so appreciate the gifts of time and laughter I receive from each of my guests. We have certain tried and true recipes and then the experiments. The Tofu Pumpkin Cheesecake which turned out surprisingly tasty, was added when one of daughters was vegan. Now it has become a staple.

Thanksgiving for many of my clients brings up questions about family relationships. There may be great sadness for friends and family members no longer with us or anger over relationships gone sour or just that one family member you never quite got along with.
How can you enjoy all that time together?

★Who is bringing what? If you are vegetarian (or other dietary restriction) and everyone else is die hard meat eaters (or whatever it is you don’t eat) bring a dish you love to eat.
★Give yourself breaks from family. Respect your and others need for down time.
★Say no nicely. You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation of a lost job, a difficult divorce or a tough year.
★Respect others. No gossip. Don’t say anything behind someone’s back that you would not say to their face.
★Turn off the electronics and enjoy some quality face to face time with family and friends (at least when you are not watching football).
★Consider making a donation to the Mosel Sanders Dinner or other Thanksgiving programs. These programs feed thousands who would not otherwise have a Thanksgiving dinner.
★If you are spending the day alone, make it special, do something special for yourself or another.
★Be lavish with heartfelt compliments and appreciations, after all the holiday is called Thanksgiving. 

Plan ahead and travel safely. Have an amazing Thanksgiving, no matter who you spend it with.
Copyright 2010
 

 

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Posted in Appreciation, Healthy Relationship, Joy, Relationships, Uncategorized

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YES or NO???

Posted on November 3, 2010 | Leave a comment

One of our earliest life tasks after mastering basic survival is discovering who we are in the world. NO! How I love to watch two year olds as they run out into the world seldom out of eye range of a loving parent or caretaker. Then the look back to make sure they are still seen. Then the sudden running back, can’t get too far away in those forays into independence. The ability of a two year old to say NO! I’m not you. I have my own mind, my own body and my own heart.

Some of us maintain that two year old “No,” being on guard and wary of connecting with people for a variety of reasons. Some of us swing the other way saying “Yes” even when we mean no. We may become fearful of losing connection, holding onto a relationship even if it means losing ourselves. Neither position allows for a healthy relationship with ourselves or with others.

The first and most important relationship we have is with ourselves. Being authentic knowing who we are and who we want to be, having the freedom to say yes or no or maybe to ourselves and to others. What a gift to discover who you are at your very core.

The most important transformation we may ever have is learning to listen to ourselves. I support people in whole body learning to listen and trust themselves. Then the Yes or No comes from an authentic place inside us.

I support clients in learning to trust their gut, to value themselves. Too often we give our power away by trusting others more than we trust ourselves.

Until next time,

Amy Barnes, MA MBA LMHC
Life Coach forRelationships and Personal and Professional Transformation

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Posted in Empower, Life Coach, Relationship, Transformation, Trust your gut, Uncategorized

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Where the Rubber Meets the Road.

Posted on July 9, 2010 | Leave a comment

I’m a really good idea person. I love gathering ideas. I love thinking about ideas. I love researching them. I’m fascinated by new ways of looking at the world. I love meeting people and hearing about their passions. I’d love to have a pair of shoes with a built in battery that would convert the energy in my walking (maybe even jogging or running) into enough battery power to charge my cell phone and my laptop. What an incentive to exercise! Just think how that might change the obesity factor – you tell your teenager – you must walk or run enough to have enough energy to charge your cell phone. I’m just thinking what a difference that would make in my life style. Then I found out this isn’t an original idea, NTT, a Japanese company has already begun researching the idea. Someone didn’t just think about the idea, they took action to turn the idea into reality.

As a coach I inspire people to trust their gut and create a life they love. Some of us have great ideas; others of us only know we want our life to be different. Some of us – like me – have so many ideas its hard to know where to start and we don’t even let our minds think of new ideas any more.

Moving from ideas to action – where the rubber meets the road is difficult for many of us. Our “monkey minds” start telling us all the reasons why we can’t have or do what we want. We get scared, we have trouble getting started, we talk ourselves out of what we most want, or we stop dreaming all together.

As a coach I inspire people to make powerful positive transformations. I support individuals and couples in all areas of their lives (such as career, relationships and health) to take action and create what makes them feel most alive, has meaning and purpose, is in line with their values and creates abundance and joy. Sounds like a lot. Yet all is possible one small step at a time. What is holding you back from having what you want in your life?

What do you want your life to look like? Are you willing to do what it takes to make it happen?

Until next time,

Amy Barnes MBA MA LMHC,
LIfe Coach for Relationships, Leadership and Transformation

“Be the Change You Want to See in the World.” Gandhi

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Posted in change, Coach, Creativity, Fear, Relationship, Transformation, Uncategorized

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