Category Archives: Feelings

Is Your Fear Real?

Years and years ago at the height of my extreme introvert self – yes I am a recovering extreme introvert and I still need plenty of me time – I interviewed for and actually worked as a sales rep for Xerox. The job involved lots of cold calling and high pressure sales which I now know was a job that in no way suited who I was then or ever would be. However, I learned a tremendous amount, particularly about listening skills which has served me quite well. More often than I would like to admit, I would sit outside a potential customer’s office in my car, terrified with such fright that I was unable to go in. Remember, in those days there were few computers, no laptops, no internet and no cell phones. I was so ashamed by this and so fearful that there was something drastically wrong with me, that I was unable to ask for help on what to do about my fear.

My fear was merely a smokescreen, although I did not understand this at the time. The worst that could have happened were all things I could have handled: someone may have been rude, the potential customer merely said no or I may have been propositioned (remember this was a long time ago and that did happen to me.). I didn’t have the tools or know how to deal with my fear. No longer am I at the mercy of my own fear. Because I so acutely understand how fear can stop me (and others) from taking action and pursuing what we most want, I can support others in dealing with their own fear.

Has fear ever stopped you or gotten in the way of accomplishing something or creating what you most want in your life? If your fear keeps you stuck, I want to support you in making friends with your fear. I want to empower you to turn your fear into an ally instead of an enemy.

Until next time,

Amy Barnes MA MBA LMHC
I empower people to discover their gifts, talents and self worth.

Transforming Pain

We all want to feel good. We want to have good things happen to us and to our family and to our friends. Yet sometimes things happen that we don’t feel very good about. Listening to the media we should all feel good all the time. Just buy this or drink that or smoke this or do that. So with all this emphasis on feeling good is their any value in feeling bad???

No, I don’t advocate feeling bad for the heck of it. But I do advocate that maybe sitting with that pain, not trying to hide it or make light of it or rush to quickly to get rid of the pain, may be just what we need to get to the other side of it and not dwell in it. Maybe you have been downsized or had a fight with your spouse or you are single and not in the relationship you have been dreaming or maybe your best friend died or maybe you just had a bad day. Honoring the pain heals.

Often we don’t know why we feel pain. We often make assumptions and our mind tells us stories of why we feel the way we do, yet our minds are not always accurate. Usually if we have very strong feelings it’s about more than just what is happening in the moment. To sit with the pain and allow ourselves to feel it in our bodies and our heart instead of just retelling the stories in our head allow us to move through the pain.

Making the shift to feel good is important. It is a vital part of what I do working with individuals on personal, relationship and core issues. I want people to feel good. But I don’t want to do this with a band aid approach. I want people to radiate that good feeling from the inside out. I am not aware of anyone who does it 100% of the time. Life happens and sometimes what happens stinks. It’s not fair and it’s not what we want.

Feeling what it is we do feel at a deep level and appreciating all our feelings – especially the ones we don’t like – is an essential piece to really feeling good. To honor and not fear or try to hide or cover up our feelings leads to genuine joy and happiness.

Until next time,

Amy Barnes, Life Coach for Relationships and Personal Transformation
“Be the Change You Want to See in the World” – Ghandi